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im pissed of with something....more like disappointed...pist??i dunno mixed emotions...i keep questioning myself over and over and over again but i just can't find the answer. im confused, im just so confused...keeping myself to wonder like this isn't gonna help much. argh...im so tensed! my assignments are pending...more like projects!!Huge ones! Im trying to find for inspiration but nothing really inspires me. "inspiration is prespiration" my new-found-quote. the problem is, my mind is not giving me enough room to be inspired. it's blocked coz i keep putting my thoughts elsewhere. my so-called happy ending?!? (you probably wont understand what im actually trying to say here but its not meant for anyone to understand, i just needed to let this monsterous thought in me out) if a tragedy hits the world, then why?why would anyone be so calm? shouldnt they be freaking out? why am i the only one who is freaking out??? thats the thing i dont understand. if it's christmas in a 4 season country, everyday we look out to see when is it gonna snow especially when its your first time in a 4 season country the excitement is there just waiting for the snow but why is there some people whose also experiencing this for the first time and yet the feel reluctant??what? are they allergic to the snow all the sudden??or do they just hate snow...and dont wish for it to happen. im trying to understand and come up with a conclusion to categorize these sort of human being...are they just weird? or am i weird? or are we just too different? what? if i lived in a box, on the streets and if i had to beg for food everyday, walk around barefooted with rags on my back...i think i probably dont have to think so much. maybe just more crucial stuff like where am i gonna sleep when the storm comes? or when will my next plate of food be? or if my flu just a flu or a symptom for something worse? or what am i gonna do when people attack me? now with all this so-called luxury and privalages and excess, i've got more to think of, think about, care...but what's the real point to do so much when no one seems to appreciate? i'd rather be the lady living in a box by the streets atleast i have a reason to be completely selfish and think about myself...call this growing up pains..i know im tranciening to aduldhood but blah...so-called responsibility, care? growing up isnt a pretty phase...at all! too much self-interogation, self-doubt, insecurities, hate , and more hate...growing is sooo shitty to the point people get drunk to forget of their problems temporarily..like how shitty is that coz it seems so pathetic like there isnt any detour out...but who can blame them? its true...there isnt any, all u can do is just try to forget for awile till it comes haunting u again....with all these self-expression...i still remain confused..coz no one can ever give me an answer to my little question???only my assumptions help me get by...fuck this little question!grr...i wanna do my work!!im running out of time so stop bugging me will ya! (i sound insane, scolding my own brain but hey, i need to)
Note to brain: Leave me alone and if you wanna think so much, think for ideas for your projects..they are due tommorow!!! make yourself useful for Pete's sake instead of wasting time on that, and that and that!!!!grrrr.... =( pfft...(pointless)
World Series Game 5
2 years ago
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