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Saturday, April 9, 2011

Change is a common act...

Yes indeed, change is a common act. It's just whether if it's for better or worse. Personally I think change is good. It's part of growing up. Your decisions in life determines what changes that are about to happen. Sadly, some people change themselves like changing their underwear and some change for worse. But that's life. Everyone is entitled to their own decisions.

My life has changed alot lately. It's all happening really fast but at the same time, I know that everything is going to be alright. I've grown into an adult and I feel proud being in this position where I can say, yes I am independent. To be honest, I thought I would be at this point 3 years ago but that did not work out so well. I'm not the kind who likes to be spoon fed by my parents which is why I don't ask them for much and most of the time I just solve things myself. I was already trained to live an independent life so I'm thankful for that. Even though massive changes took place so fast but I'm still calm and collected because I had all the years of training.

I'm not going to share exactly what's going on right now with my life but rather something I've been considering for a really long time now and I feel strongly about this right now. This feeling occurred to me about 2 hours ago while having my dinner. I was eating chicken and it just struck me that eating chicken kind of disgust me. This is not the first time I felt that way, it's been quite a number of times already and at one point I even resisted myself from eating chicken for about 2 weeks.

In my life, I never really loved chicken I always preferred fish instead but somehow lately I've been feeling this great disgust about chickens. Their meat is somehow kind of..... disgusting. Not that I have anything against chicken but it was just very recently that I found out how chicken were slaughtered and raised. Chicken have the most torturous life hands down!

No wonder, they become so tastelss and disgusting. I mean they've been fed with tons of antibiotics to grow into this obese chicken within 7 weeks! And then shipped to the slaughter house where they are brutally tortured to death. Sometimes on their way to the slaughter house, they may break bones and hurt themselves real bad because all of them are packed in a tight space. Infact, most chickens are crippled before 7 weeks old because they are overweight. Manufacturers are rushing to get thier chickens nice and fat to be shipped so this is what they do... they force chickens to grow up. Would you like it if someone were to force you to grow up? I don't think so. And now with all this fake chicken egg from China? Goodness, what is wrong with people?? Here's an article to where you can read about how chickens are raised.

It's actually really sad. I love animals but I'm not like an avid animal lover to the extend where I'd become a vegetarian. I did consider becoming a vegetarian long time ago but I love meat (thanks to all the great cooks in my household) and also because it was hard to eat out if i were to become a vegetarian.

This whole topic of change today is basically directed to this one idea I got in my head. I'm actually considering becoming a pescetarian. I thought about this for about half a year already since my first chicken attack and today it just hit me that maybe I should try this out for a week and see how it goes. I don't mind living without chicken but occasionally I do love eating lamb and beef (steak). So I'm not going to be a strict pescetarian. Dont judge me!

On a normal day to day basis I might just stick with being a pescetarian but occasionally when I see my favourite food which are steak and mutton curry which my mum makes, I will indulge in it. There's no point limiting yourself if you know you can't always do that. It will only de-motivate you.

I'm going to try this out for this whole week and see how it goes. If it's good then I might stick to this. My whole point in this is just that I don't wanna have that weird disgusted feeling again when I'm eating chicken and I just want a better eating habit (which I am trying to improve believe me it's hard when you're out alone and broke) and also I do not wanna be one of the contributers of torturous chicken slaughter. I feel bad for chickens really. It's not their fault they dont taste so good. oh well ...

So anyways, here's all I have to say for now. Have a great weekend! (courtesy of Rebecca Black)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Design Community

There's so much I have to say about the design community here in Malaysia. First of all let me just get started by saying I'm a design graduate and I've done several freelance jobs and I've worked with clients and talked to alot of people and it's all part of what I'm about to say here. So everything has it's own reason why I'm saying it and not just blindly. I came across a job just a couple of days ago while scouting for jobs. And to my dismay, this person is offering people to do brochure designs for a mere RM5/per design. And to contact him, you have to call him up and if he doesn't like your design he is not going to pay for it. I would link it for you but unfortunately the ad has been taken down. Now this really pisses me off. Seriously RM5? If you were to throw this assignment to my 7 year old sister maybe she won't even accept your offer. It's not that we, designers are very greedy and we want more. No doubt everyone wants money but this is about how you think of designers. Are we cheap labours to you? Is RM5 what you are willing to pay for peoples hard work and ideas? Would Leonardo da Vinci sell his ideas for RM5? Or would Steve Jobs sell his marketing ideas for RM5? Think about it. By the time I call you up, use my electricity to design this brochure and my ideas I think RM5 would already be used up hence what is this? Free designs for you? I don't think so. Then after that, I saw another job to design 500 unique wall decals and map them into interior photographs for RM100. Yeah, another RM5 job! 

Seriously, what is happening to the design community here in Malaysia? People have always never respected us and now they think we deserve RM5 for hard work? And many times I observe people are taking advantage of designers. They pay you a price and you did the job well and after everything is approved there goes a change of idea after another and it's a never ending cycle. People, changes = more pay! Every designers and design firms have their own terms and condition and when you can't abide by them you will say they are cheating you or they are not good. Sometimes I can't even think of a good reason why designers are so under-rated here.

If you go to the US for example, designers in the advertising firms and us now. There's a huge difference. People respect them, for their creativity, their ideas and everything. That's why they can keep improving and doing a better job. Most of the time designers here are locked up and unable to express themselves fully because of the education methods and the industry. 

Designers are like consultants. If you come to them about doing a website. Listen to them. We may need your brief as to what you may like to include but when we tell you if you want this and that it's not going to suit or it's not going to come off as a marketable design the please listen. Seriously, being a designer it's not just about creating beautiful things. We are also trained to think what's best for you and how to sell your product. If you wanted a tacky website and we advise you not to, it's merely for your own good. I mean who is going to look at a tacky website. 

Design is a strategy. It uses psychology.

Alot of times, when I was just about to pursue my design diploma people would ask me what am I planning to do? The minute I tell them design, they just say ohh okay, or can earn meh? Now I just want to put it out there that, everything in this world is made out of design. Why you may ask? Simple, look at your phone, your computer, Facebook, signboards, packaging, your clothes, advertisements, your movies, your TV shows, everything... and can you please tell me other than design who else is going to come up with that final product for you. 

Yes I know alot of people from different fields are involved too but who comes up with the final product? That you may want to ask yourself over and over again until you change your mind about designers. 

Alot of things make me realize how downgraded designers are in this country. We are not well-respected for our ideas and work. If only they looked into how we work, the amount of rest we get and how is it like to think for a concept. It's not easy being a designer but it's even harder being a designer in this country. I wished that people could change their mindset here and stop asking for RM5 designs or FREE designs or 1001 changes for FREE coz that's not going to happen. You wan't a good designer, you have to pay the price for one. If you pay RM5 maybe i can recommend you to just pick up a pen and pencil and write it on a piece of paper for a brochure. 

*leaves this post angrily* 

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Growing Pains

So I've just graduated probably about 2 weeks ago and let me tell you, life is HARD! I've always been waiting for this moment to graduate from college and get a job and start my life but really starting the ignition to your life is just not about the easiest thing ever. Throughout these two weeks, I've came to understand the pressures of being broke, getting a job, think about your financial, thinking about getting a car, signing document, moving out, continuing for degree but money-less... tentatively speaking, I've just been facing a whole lot of shit for these past 2 weeks. The most stressful part is getting a job. I've literally almost had a break down moment when I realized no one is replying to my emails. I've sent out my resume and portfolio to every single agency i can think of in Penang. Advertising, productions, architecture firms, real estate and what not. (OMG) I've been to an interview last week but I don't think it went so well. So i'm hoping my future interview on Monday would work out. I need a job by April. I can't wait any longer because I have alot of expenses to settle and ofcourse I don't get allowance anymore. Life is indeed hard right now. I mean to know that you are desperate and every waking moment you spend your life checking mails and dealing with the frustration of what if.... what if there's no job for me then what? Should i work at Starbucks then? So what's the point of my diploma? It's crazy. This whole time, I was set on one thing... COLLEGE... omg.. seriously why didn't I leave when I had the chance? I should have run for my life. It's frustrating. I mean, I'm supposed to be studying Digital Art but really now when it's all over, I dont know anything about digital arts. What i've learned in college was leaning towards graphic design but we didnt learn graphic design aswell. So in the end, who is going to hire me? I'm learning everything like 50% and I dont have a legit proper qualification on what I could do. Every application I sent out i noticed the employees are demanding for something that I have no knowledge of. Everything that I know now is what I've learned and picked up by myself. I feel so helpless. I don't think I'm a sucky designer but it's just my qualifications are limited to the point where I don't even know where. I'm so disappointed in this college and i can't believe i've spent 28k on something that thought me nothing..literally. And you know what they say, if life throws you lemons, you make lemonade...well here's the deal, life didnt throw me lemons, they threw me this case life refers to the college. I really hope my interview goes well and i could get a job by April and then everything would be alright provided if my pay is alright too. I just my life to be drama-free and just smooth going. I initially did not want to rant about my college and stuff but i just needed to get this out of my system before i have another meltdown in my brain. Growing up is hard, no one said it was easy. I've been trained to live like an adult all this while with minimal supervision from parents but this time I just feel like i'm 21 and i'm graduated and i'll be screwed if I dont settle for a job by April.

So wish me luck! 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

There's always an ending to every start...

In about three weeks time, I would be finally graduating from college. I've been waiting for this moment for three years already but now that it's so close to the finish line, it's like I wished time would go into a stand still just for awhile. I think it happens to alot of people when their life is about to change. Yeap, after this three weeks, my life would change forever. It's time to step into the real-world and grow up as an adult. It's actually scary to know that everything will be on you now and all the responsibility that's about to fall on you. I have a big problem now, where am I supposed to work? I hope to find a proper company where I enjoy doing what I do there so that I would work in peace. Unfortunately, in Penang there's not much options for a digital student like me. Mostly graphic design and that's not what I'm passionate about doing. I might go into video production to see what's it like. I like video and 3D but ofcourse my animation and 3D skill isn't at all near to being qualified for the job. I still have to work on that. My mum feels like I should continue studying after working a few months or a year or something but personally, I'm just sick of studying. It's not that I'm lazy or anything, it's just that I don't want to waste my money again on some college. Everything I know about design, I learned it by myself and what college thought me was basically... nothing. So that really disappointed me and just killed every bit of passion to continue studying again. I just wanna graduate and see where life takes me. It's all about your portfolio. Ofcourse I'm not denying pursuing your studies will get you a better position but seriously for now, I can't even imagine myself going back to college and doing this same thing over and over again besides, I don't have that much financial support to do it. Don't even get me started on scholarships. So my plan is to work hard and build up my portfolio and I would see how the market goes, if a degree is needed then I might pursue it probably in animation or video production. I believe that a certificate isn't everything to ensure a brighter future. There are some people who had never got an education and still because of their perseverance and diligence they manage to be somebody in this world. This days, the number of people with a degree in their hands is like throwing a stone at some random stranger on the street and probably 9 our of 10 of them are degree holders. It's just a piece of paper. What determines who is more successful then the other is your hard work and your talent. I'm not saying that pursuing your studies is a waste of time and money, it just depends. If you are not passionate about what you are studying then why pursue? Or if you can't pursue because you don't have the chance then don't feel like your world has ended. There's always a way to turn the bad to good if you just believe in yourself and trust in what you're doing.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I can still see my last Valentine post here, can't believe a year has already past. Judging from my last Valentine post, I was single and valentine-less haha, I don't remember what I did on that day either. But this year, happy to say, I'm not single. So what's this deal about Valentine? Do we really need a bouquet of roses? fancy dinner? or your date serenading a song for you? Honestly, whatever is it you guys want to do it's totally fine just aslong as you have each other. I guess that's the best part of having a partner, you're never alone. He/she is your bestfriend and you guys can do all the craziest thing in this world and not be afraid coz you have each other. Your partner is more than just a companion but he/she is also a person who plays a big role in your life as you age. They were there when some great things happened to you and also the sad moments too ofcourse. It's also nice to have someone who will always care for you and treat you special then the rest. Ofcourse it's even better when your partner grows old with you and even starts a whole new life with you. So if you ask me, what's love? I wouldn't know how to answer you but what I can say is when you feel it, you will just know it. As cheesy as it sounds. To be honest, I'm happier being in a relationship then being single. Some people are more comfortable being single but that's just how it is. We are all different. I like the feeling of having someone special. That's doesn't make me desperate for a relationship or anything, I'm just saying that's how I prefer to be ofcourse provided if I have the right man for the job. Anyways, being single isn't too bad aswell. Don't feel sad if you're date-less this Valentines. Your time will come someday. So don't take it so seriously or get upset =) So anyways, what's my plans this year? I don't really know. I don't really care either. I love my hubby and it's literally Valentine's day everyday for us. We have a good relationship and that's all that matters. Alot of our love life is kept private and behind the scenes so not many people know what's really going on between us sometimes. I guess that's what you get for living in your own bubble and that's what makes it special and sweet. I guess we will probably be curling up and watching a good movie together. =) I don't expect much , I just expect alot of TLC that lasts forever. So hope everyone has a great Valentines coming up and to those who are date-less, just have fun with friends or family or ignore this day and don't get pressured by it. 

Happy Valentine's Day <3

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Mid-life Crisis

*sigh* Has it ever occurred to you that maybe something is missing in your life? There's something you wished you knew what was it that's bugging you? Or if you feel like all the fun is sucked out and life is a big yawn now? That's when you know you've hit mid-life crisis! =) It doesn't just happen to people around their 30's or 40's anymore, it just happens to anyone who feels it. It's a kind of depression but in a subtle way. This is not an EMO post by the way. I don't do emo crap. Emo is so over-rated. As human's we still have our own feelings whether it's happy , sad or angry. So don't mistaken all sad feelings for emo. If I'm sad about someone that just passed away , that does not make me emo. Back to topic. Lately for the past few months, i realized something has been bugging me deeply but I cant figure out what is it. At first I thought it's just PMS (us girls...) but no... and then I started thinking maybe it's my appearance. So I went on wanting to be thin and going on and on about a diet. But no... then I thought maybe it's my design skill. I'm almost graduating and I still suck and I don't know much about anything. So I tried to learn and i got quite far into things and guess what... that's not it either. It just kills me coz I don't know what going on and nobody noticed I was going through a weird phase. So then it hit me, for the past few weeks, I finally knew what was wrong with me. I just missed my old life. I missed all the fun I had and now everything is becoming a bore and all I do is sit at home, assignments, college and PC. I turned 21 and this is what I have become. In fact, I turned 18 and this is what I've become. A lifeless, dull, old lady... It's depressing really lol. All these while I thought I could just lie to myself and pretend that I dont miss a single bit of my night life or whatever fun I used to have when i was young. I told myself I'm grown up now and those were my childish days but who am I kidding. I did miss it and I'm still young to enjoy it. The fun can't last forever so while you're still young might aswell enjoy all you can't before it's too late. I'm not the kind who like daylight or goes out during the day much, im more of a night time person. I never was a day person you can tell from the time i wake up that im not. The night time is just exciting and fun for me and that's the time I feel awake and energized. Although alot of people think it's dangerous. No doubt. Danger is everywhere. Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Night... dangerous things happen all the time its just fate and how we look after ourselves that keeps us save. If you don't do stupid things that could danger yourself thus you would be safe. Anyways, I really hope I can get my life back. I hate feeling trapped in my own body. No one is locking me now but it's just me and I didnt realized that I locked myself up till now. I want all the fun I used to have as a teenager. I don't wanna rot away my 20's and look back when im old and say that's how i spent my 20's, in my room infront of my computer. That's sad... I don't expect everyone to understand what's this phase im going through because unless you went through this or you are going through this, then you would fully understand what im feeling. My lifestyle right now has eaten up a huge part of my living so end up I don't like how i look or feel about myself anymore because i stopped caring and i stopped trying. I went into what we call "the comfort zone" and that's a zone you do not wanna be in when you're still young and kicking. It's still new years, technically... so I hope things would change and maybe I would change too. Hopefully i could get back my youth as soon as possible. By the way, I'm not the kind who likes to public out my feelings coz i feel they are so private but for just this one time, I needed to get everything out of my system coz I feel it's gonna make me better for abit. So no judging XD

Friday, January 28, 2011

A passion...

Was there something that you dreamed of doing or being but never had the guts to do so? I believe everyone has that sort of feeling once in a while or maybe all the time. Eventually, what happens to those dreams? Do they just fade or do they stir regret within you? 

There's just so many things I wished I could do or could have done but time was the main thing holding me back. Sometimes I wished I had all the time and support to do what I've been wanting to do that would just make my day or perhaps my life. Most people don't know much about me. I mean they do know me but they don't know what I'm really thinking and the ideas I have and what I want to do. Those who spend most of their time with me would probably know me and they would know that I'm a little loose in the

One of the things I would really love love love to do is write. Since I was young, writing has always been a part of me. I did write alot of stories, poems and songs. Infact I still kept my song books till this day. I still love writing but you know, I'm a designer now not a journalist lol so that kind of makes it harder to venture into this field. I don't necessarily like writing about news and stuff it's more to casual writing like maybe get my own column in the papers or write a book or something like that. I just feel like I have alot to say but I don't talk alot of heart to heart things to anyone so all these things remain buried in me. I don't mean like I have an issue and I have to emo it out to someone lol I just have alot of theories about life and what I think of it or just some random thoughts... I know I'm weird like that ha!

Another one of my passions is ofcourse in the field of arts and design. Creativity is such a powerful thing one could ever possess. So if you have it, don't ever second guess yourself for venturing into this field. Now, when we talk about design, I assume alot of people think I love photoshopping so so so much lol but the truth is, not really. I used to love it when I was in highschool because it was new to me but as I started getting my hands on more softwares, Photoshop became something less exciting for me. I still love it though because it's great to edit your stuff and I still need it for the most part of my design works. But there's just so much more then that. Honestly, I really love 3D animation and video production alot. As a Digital Art student these were the two things I was most excited to learn but unfortunately.... I think I rather not say. 

I did try really hard to learn 3D. It wasn't easy for me at first. I failed multiple times and well eventually I got to a point I was satisfied with my outcome but still... that's not where I plan to stop. I've seen far better works than mine and there's just no reason for me to feel proud of my work yet. I recently started modeling characters. It's something i've always wanted to do but I had to learn the basics of 3D first like setting up the scene so thats why I learned interior and exterior scenes otherwise where would my character live! lol

As for video, sad to say I don't really have the equipment for it but I do have some ideas to do this using what I have now... iPod and my DSLR lol. not much but you know baby steps can take you a really long way. I was thinking of doing something cool this sem break using characters and making a video. I haven't thought of it yet but hopefully it's successful. I also have an ongoing project for myself which has something to do with my characters. So i'm not just building them based on nothing, they are a work in progress... modelling them is only 10% of it. I'll explain more of that on my other blog which is my portfolio blog. 

Some people ask me why am I so free to do this. The thing is yeah I'm kinda free this sem but no, it's just something I've wanted to do for the longest time and I finally have the time, equipments and skill to do so. Besides, alot of designers keep themselves busy with their own projects. You can build up your portfolio, gain new knowledge, and improve yourself doing this. I don't believe in college assignments to be honest. They are just a stepping stone for us but the rest is up to us to learn and take the lead. If you have a passion for something then go for it. Another reason why I'm doing this is also because... I'm graduating soon and suddenly it came to my realization that I don't know anything about digital arts. My college didn't provide me with much digital lessons mostly it was more to graphic design... which is not what I want to do. So, how on earth am I supposed to get a job as a digital artist? That's the question that seriously got me thinking. 

This is a really long post but I haven't been blogging in ages so it's alright I guess. The whole point of this post was to tell everyone that if you have a passion for something, don't let it go. You only live once so why not just achieve what you want in this lifetime.