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Just came back from my sis concert..haha chicken little dance...so cute...u know i spent like more then an hour getting ready...most of the time i spent deciding what to wear..today was one of those days where my confidence level was down the drain and every piece of outfit made me look like totally crap...at last i just settled for an outfit which i usually wear...people who see me everyday would probably get bored of looking at me if they were at the concert aswell... i dont know why this year ive been so drainy...its as if every single bit of confidence i ever had has been sucked out of me....i hate looking at the mirror, i hate trying on new clothes, i hate being apart of a bunch of model-looking girls, i hate being commented on my looks. i know you might think yeah..its just a phase,get over it...well its not...there were meltdowns like these before but for some reason this whole year my meltdown has became severe and like a daily basis kinda thing. i couldnt stand dressing up. used to love it, now i hate it. and its not entirely coz i dress up everyday to college. i cant remember the last peice of clothing i bought coz whenever i try something it just doesnt look nice like how i imagined it to be, and the last thing i bought, i was told i look fat in it. Like a bullet through my heart..more like belly. its not just the weight and size thing that bothers me, my looks, the way i walk, and some other things aswell. ive became too self-concious and all i can ever think about is , its my skirt ok when i walk, or is my eyeliner still perfect or has it smudged? am i walking alrite? is my hair messy? are my pimple scars obvious?...these are the things that's constantly running through my head. its not like ive always been this way, i dunno why i became this way...this goes as shocker to everyone...coz i doubt people even thought i dont have much confidence in myself. i wont be surprised if one day i end up being anorexic or bulimic or whatever's in the trend. im just saying....so if anyone feels like im too emo or watever, im not..im not trying to proove anything or make a statement atleast...this post is something very personal which is about me, and maybe i just want it here for some reason...so dont judge me, thats the last thing i want...
World Series Game 5
1 year ago
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