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World Series Game 5
2 years ago
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Mid-life Crisis
*sigh* Has it ever occurred to you that maybe something is missing in your life? There's something you wished you knew what was it that's bugging you? Or if you feel like all the fun is sucked out and life is a big yawn now? That's when you know you've hit mid-life crisis! =) It doesn't just happen to people around their 30's or 40's anymore, it just happens to anyone who feels it. It's a kind of depression but in a subtle way. This is not an EMO post by the way. I don't do emo crap. Emo is so over-rated. As human's we still have our own feelings whether it's happy , sad or angry. So don't mistaken all sad feelings for emo. If I'm sad about someone that just passed away , that does not make me emo. Back to topic. Lately for the past few months, i realized something has been bugging me deeply but I cant figure out what is it. At first I thought it's just PMS (us girls...) but no... and then I started thinking maybe it's my appearance. So I went on wanting to be thin and going on and on about a diet. But no... then I thought maybe it's my design skill. I'm almost graduating and I still suck and I don't know much about anything. So I tried to learn and i got quite far into things and guess what... that's not it either. It just kills me coz I don't know what going on and nobody noticed I was going through a weird phase. So then it hit me, for the past few weeks, I finally knew what was wrong with me. I just missed my old life. I missed all the fun I had and now everything is becoming a bore and all I do is sit at home, assignments, college and PC. I turned 21 and this is what I have become. In fact, I turned 18 and this is what I've become. A lifeless, dull, old lady... It's depressing really lol. All these while I thought I could just lie to myself and pretend that I dont miss a single bit of my night life or whatever fun I used to have when i was young. I told myself I'm grown up now and those were my childish days but who am I kidding. I did miss it and I'm still young to enjoy it. The fun can't last forever so while you're still young might aswell enjoy all you can't before it's too late. I'm not the kind who like daylight or goes out during the day much, im more of a night time person. I never was a day person you can tell from the time i wake up that im not. The night time is just exciting and fun for me and that's the time I feel awake and energized. Although alot of people think it's dangerous. No doubt. Danger is everywhere. Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Night... dangerous things happen all the time its just fate and how we look after ourselves that keeps us save. If you don't do stupid things that could danger yourself thus you would be safe. Anyways, I really hope I can get my life back. I hate feeling trapped in my own body. No one is locking me now but it's just me and I didnt realized that I locked myself up till now. I want all the fun I used to have as a teenager. I don't wanna rot away my 20's and look back when im old and say that's how i spent my 20's, in my room infront of my computer. That's sad... I don't expect everyone to understand what's this phase im going through because unless you went through this or you are going through this, then you would fully understand what im feeling. My lifestyle right now has eaten up a huge part of my living so end up I don't like how i look or feel about myself anymore because i stopped caring and i stopped trying. I went into what we call "the comfort zone" and that's a zone you do not wanna be in when you're still young and kicking. It's still new years, technically... so I hope things would change and maybe I would change too. Hopefully i could get back my youth as soon as possible. By the way, I'm not the kind who likes to public out my feelings coz i feel they are so private but for just this one time, I needed to get everything out of my system coz I feel it's gonna make me better for abit. So no judging XD
1 comment:
Thank you for writing frankly and earnestly about mid life crisis. So many articles talk about religion and God's blessings, but your article was very pragmatic,honest, and helpful!
thanks to you :)
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